My name's not Cloud!

I feel like, to say in a weird anime/Square Enix manner, I've been falling deeper and deeper into my own darkness lately. While usually those who know me know I've always viewed the darkness as misunderstood and never evil, I find myself afraid of my darkness. I suppose it's just human nature to be afraid of that which we cannot see nor understand.

I’m sick of sadness, I’m sick of disappointment, I’m sick of fear, and I’m sick of being hurt. Shane broke up with Holly and I can’t stand it. He says they’re not officially over but at this rate it won’t be long. I’ve also come to another sad truth and I’ve thrown myself into even more depressing thinking. I really don’t know how much more of this I can take (don’t worry, I’m not suicidal yet).

Rosa ditched me, again! She asked if we were hanging out today and I asked her what she’s doing after school. She said she had to work till five and we could hang out when she got out. Five o’clock, I text her, no response. Six o’clock rolls around and I finally get a text from her asking where I am. I told her at home and I asked what took her so long and she said she had to talk to her dad. So I asked her what she’s doing. No response…for about an hour. Finally I text her again, not more than a simple question mark. I get a text back and she tells me she’s at the mall with whom else but your friend and mine, Joey Noey. Then she texts me and asks if they can come by my house. I told her sure but warned her there was really nothing to do here. Never got a text back, so the entire night I didn’t know whether or not to expect them.

Now to add onto everything else Anthony’s started hitting on my sister again. What fun right?

Man, not even beating Devil May Cry 2 has made my day any better…hell, it hasn’t made my day, week, or even month any better. To be honest I can’t wait to work Friday, unless I manage to get someone to switch shifts with me so I can go to Karleen’s party which I hope I can. Regardless, after that I’ll be eager to work Saturday and Sunday, that way I won’t have to worry too much about the life I hate.

And now for the news:

I've had a surprising decrease in homework since getting back from vacation. This is probably due to the fact that we’re all presenting our projects in biology lately, a task I managed to weasel out of one more day as Ms. Morisette had to go judge the high schools science fair. So she stuck us in the high school’s science lecture hall to suffer some boring lecture about rockets or something stupid. Naturally Brett and I were cracking jokes through the whole thing.

Mr. Brown’s gotten started on MCAS review. He gave us a packet and tonight was the second assignment he’s given us out of it. It’s not too bad, I just want to know who the hell writes six paragraphs about salt?

Today I realized for the first time just how far behind I am in related homework. I knew I was missing a few assignments but I got a lot to do to catch up. I can’t fail related no matter what.

I’m not looking forward to this week progress report since all the teachers are too lazy to add up or even estimate my grade so I’m not really getting what I’m supposed to be getting out these grades so I don’t know what to expect for my grade, which is the point of these stupid things. Instead all I’m finding out is more bullshit reasons why the teachers think I’m not trying and whether or not I have my all assignments done.

Still haven’t touched my English essay. Technically I could get it done now but to be honest I’m afraid to. I’m tired of disappointing myself in what’s supposed to be my subject. Every time I think I do well on an English essay Brown always slaps me with a C and I’m sick of it! For the love of god my sister was asking her for help on her college entrance essays or whatever the hell they’re called! Just cause I can’t give you an example of something or label a part of speech, or understand Shakespeare doesn’t mean I’m not probably the best writer in the entire sophomore (and probably junior and even senior) class!

I don’t know what the hell’s up in algebra. We’re doing more geometry now, Pythagorean Theorem or whatever. I don’t really know if I’m getting any of this right or not. I remember the three formulas, the theorem, distance, and mid-point, but for some reason I always seem to fuck up.